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All NBA fans know it. The Celtics suck on the boards.

Jared Sullinger, Jeff Green and Darko Milicic were supposed to be welcome additions who would help out on the boards. We’re almost into the fourth week of the NBA season, and so far Sullinger has averaged 8.4 rebounds per 36 minutes, Jeff Green has been absolutely horrible, and Darko Milicic is about to head home to be with his ailing mother. All-in-all our additions have not been great. Now the rumor floating around is that our veterans want us to bring in Kenyon Martin. Yes, Kenyon Martin that hauled in 6.9 rebounds per 36 minutes last season with the Clippers. Just what we need (yes, I’m rolling my eyes).

I see two ways to fix the rebounding crisis, and the first one is easy. PLAY JARED SULLINGER MORE MINUTES OFF THE BENCH WITH KG! Sullinger is a very capable offensive player, and the more looks he gets, the more offensive rebounds he will get as Sully is great at grabbing caroms created by his own misses. Why would we not want to give that bull of a kid more touches down-low? He looks comfortable on the block, is an excellent free-throw shooter, and he should be under the hoop all game long on offense.

The second thing to do is trade for a solid rebounder. There are options available. I do a lot of reading on different forums in my spare time, and  the general consensus is that Celtic fans have a collective boner for Josh Smith. Josh Smith, seriously? We don’t need any more jump shooters, especially not poor jump shooters. We all know the friendship that exists between Rondo and Smith, but they are both horrible shooters, and that creates a real spacing issue. I highly doubt the Hawks trade him for the kind of package we would be offering. So without further ado, here are my possible solutions to finding that rugged rebounder we so desperately need.

Scenario 1: Milwaukee trades Drew Gooden to Boston for Brandon Bass.

Why? Defensively we lose out majorly here. Drew Gooden is a revolving door on defense. I wonder how many SBH per game (Slaps on the Back of the Head) he’ll average from KG. With the negative out of the way, Gooden is a great floor spacer, he can pass, and he has been a consistently good rebounder in the NBA. Milwaukee would do this in a heartbeat. At worst, we gain one of the league’s best cheerleaders.

Scenario 2: Philadelphia trades Spencer Hawes to Boston for Brandon Bass and Avery Bradley.

Why? This one hurts. Bradley has all-star potential, but he may be injury-prone. Philly need more guys that can fit in with Bynum once he returns, and Bass does just that. Currently the 76ers are using Kwame Brown, Lavoy Allen, Spencer Hawes, and eventually Andrew Bynum at the 4 and 5. They may be able to spare Hawes if it means upgrading their wing defense. The Celtics get a guy that can average 10 rebounds per 36 minutes, who can also stretch the floor out to the 3 point line, and can block shots at the rim.

Scenario 3: Toronto trades Amir Johnson to Boston for Brandon Bass and a future 2nd round pick.

Why? It makes almost no sense for Toronto. This is a homer trade I’m throwing out there. Johnson would provide us with athleticism, toughness, rebounding, and shot-blocking.

Scenario 4: Toronto trades Ed Davis and Terrence Ross to Boston for Avery Bradley, Fab Melo, and Kris Joseph.

Why? Toronto have depth up front, and can afford to develop Melo. Bradley is exactly the type of perimeter defender they need to help cover for DeRozan’s porous defense. Davis and Ross provide the Celtics with youth and athleticism. It doesn’t really help right now, so I doubt we would go for a deal like this.

Scenario 5: Denver trades Timofey Mozgov and Wilson Chandler to Boston for Brandon Bass and Courtney Lee

Why? Boston replaces the rebounding deficient Bass with a big body in Mozgov, and the under-performing Courtney Lee with super versatile Wilson Chandler. It works for Denver because they aren’t playing Mozgov (he’s as good as gone), and they want out from Chandler’s deal. This trade would improve the Celtics immensely.

Scenario 6: Phoenix trades Marcin Gortat and Jared Dudley to Boston for Fab Melo, Avery Bradley, and Jeff Green.

Why? Gortat is unhappy, and we NEED him. Dudley is the James Posey replacement we have been looking for, and I think that he would fit in perfectly with our team culture. Bradley would be quite the addition to a young Phoenix team in a transitional period. This trade has been discussed all over the internet in the last day, and I really hope something like this happens.

Marcin Gortat, future Celtic?

Scenario 7: We sit and wait for an intriguing player like Cousins, Varejao or Aldridge to become dissatisfied with their current situation.

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