LEN BIAS: CROSSOVER
A novel
By: Michael D. McClellan | September 19, 2010
"And that you died and ended up in this place - and that you've been floating around up here ever since?"
"I crossed over in a very different place, with the help of someone else who was responsible for me there. The crossover prepares the soul for eternal glory or eternal damnation, depending on the judgment. In my case, the Lord called me home. I was then given my gifts - you might call them angelic powers - and assigned the specific task of preparing others for their crossovers."
Eternal damnation. Eternal damnation. The words hang in the air long after she finishes speaking, and my mind races backwards, plucking out all of the really bad moments - the most sinful moments - in my life, chilling me to the bone. I'd always gone to church but I'd also been a con artist, especially after becoming an All-American and Maryland's BMOC - Big Man on Campus. To my family I was still Frosty, the boy who went to Sunday School and church service every Sunday morning, and to Baptist Youth Fellowship and church service every Sunday night. I had even sang in the choir as a seventh grader - Len Bias, choirboy. To my coaches and teachers I was never a problem. I might not have worked the hardest, especially in the classroom, but I rarely got into trouble. I was polite, friendly, eager to please. To my friends I was something else - if there were a league for cursing, I would easily lead the league in the spewing of four letter words. I tried hard to hit every party on campus, tapping plenty of kegs - and women - in the process. How many times had I cheated on a quiz? A test? When was the last time I'd turned in a homework assignment that was completely my own?
And then there were the drugs. The biggest sin of them all. I'd promised my parents that I'd never go anywhere near drugs, that I'd always do the right thing, the smart thing, and that I'd surround myself with quality people who weren't into the drug scene. No weed. No pills. No powder. Promise.
But I didn't keep that promise. Without fail I knew the correct course of action for almost any given situation, but I rarely chose to go down that path. Why? Because it was too hard and I was too weak. I knew that Trib dealt drugs. I knew the temptations that would come from hanging around him. I knew that he would stay after me, that he'd do his best to wear me down, that I'd be unable to fight him off forever, that a situation would trap me and that I'd start using.
But I hung with Brian Tribble anyway.
All of this came with a nagging guilt - every foul word, every hangover, every sexual encounter, every white line snorted. Maybe not right then as it was happening, but during those times when I was alone with my thoughts, taking stock of who I was and what I'd become: Two-faced. Jekyll and Hyde. A con man.
If my parents only knew. They were both strong Christians, and my mother was especially committed to her faith. She believed in prophecy and the fulfillment thereof, and she always talked about God's plan. His will. She felt strongly that there was something at work in our family, and that everything was happening for a reason.
Eternal damnation.
Even this.
I stare deep into Alyssa's eyes and try to shake these words. There was a time when I lived a very different life; at thirteen I'd sat in church and felt the power of Christ, and I'd responded by standing up and taking that long, nervous walk up the isle. He had called my name and I had responded, reaching Reverend Wallace with tears in my eyes. Salvation. Nothing had ever felt so good, so pure. I was baptized a month later, and for the next two years I was as close to the Lord as anyone could be. I prayed daily. I studied scripture. I witnessed to friends and family. But then my body began to grow and mature, and suddenly everything became about basketball. Coaches and recruiters made me feel like the most important person on earth. Love everywhere - from teammates, opposing players, parents, reporters, complete strangers. Everyone wanted to be close to me. Everyone wanted to be me - or be with me. And by the time I'd finished my career at Maryland, it felt very much like everyone wanted their very own piece of me. And now, sitting here - at the end of it all, with everything I've ever done open for inspection...
"I am not here to judge you, Leonard." She holds the glass of water and examines it. "That has already been done. Your soul, like mine, was purified when you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Your salvation in Christ is not temporary, it is eternal."
